So, let’s tackle the topic of transgender dating for everyone out there who is still a little bit befuddled as to what to do and whether they should behave any differently. Let’s suppose your initial interactions are happening over a dating website, from either site direction.
In other words, maybe you are a platform user and have come to the site to find a date, or maybe you are a platform owner and you want to make your dating network transgender-friendly. You can read this awesome guide on how to make sure that the LBTQ+ community will know that they are welcome at your business.
So, whichever side of this you are on, we figured the best way to approach tranny dating online would be to take a look at how to approach tranny dating in offline life. After all, that person behind the tranny profile does exist and breathe somewhere, and hopefully you would get to meet them outside of the chat room sometimes. So we asked our tranny friends for advice! This is what we got.
Do your homework before you say hi.
Apparently, nothing will make a potential tranny date roll their eyes at you more than realizing that you never even bothered to Google things. If they have to explain everything to you from scratch, they will nope out of any further contact at warp speed.
The thing is, even if you think you know what “trans person” means (and to be fair, they are pretty present in the popular media), you likely have no depth of knowledge. Things like the news are, ironically, bad sources of information.
Most transgender folk have decided to go through with the process of changing their gender because have experienced the condition of their upstairs codes not matching their downstairs hardware, if you get what we mean. This condition is formally known as “gender dysphoria” and you can get a more in-depth look at it at this web page: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/conditions/gender-dysphoria
So browse some credible sources that are not politically charged and read up on the medicine and science behind the phenomenon. Remember, nobody wants to give a lecture on a date!
Always ask about their specific comfort levels.
This is one of those situations when playing mysterious can come back and bite hard. There is no room for surprises, you have to communicate explicitly. Literally take it by the textbook and ask about every single thing that you are even slightly unsure about.
Ask what pronouns they prefer to use (typically either “he/ him”, “she/ her”, or “they/ them”) when being referred to in conversation. Ask them about their preferred name or nickname, and always obtain explicit consent before you level up anything physical. Sure, it might feel awkward, but a blush is better than a harassment charge or a punch in the face.
If you go online, you will see that the best tranny dating sites are already following in this practice. It has even spread through the wider internet community via platforms like Tumblr and Facebook. You will often find that people list their preferred pronouns and other relevant information on their profiles.
Remember we mentioned gender dysphoria? It is also known as body dysphoria, and people who have it tend to feel extreme discomfort regarding certain parts of their bodies, typically their primary and secondary sex characteristics, but not always intimate parts. They might dislike their male-looking squared jaw or hate their feminine-looking silky hair. This greatly varies between individuals. Sometimes, as you spend more time together, the discomfort can decrease a little, but in nine cases out of ten don’t even bother hoping for it.
Needless to say, disrespecting such boundaries is an instant and total turn off. so even if a comment about a body part seems to have zero sense to you, just accept it at face value and keep your hands off. If that happens to spoil your fantasy, act out another one or go back to hunting for a new partner.
Remember that their body might still change.
This holds true for trans persons who might be considering a surgery to change their gender, as well as for those who have already undergone the necessary procedures. Let’s take a look at each of these cases.
Suppose you get in touch with this person and they tell you they want to change their body. Suppose their current body was hella attractive. Would you try to change their mind? Maybe it would be hard for you to imagine why they want to change it anyway. Maybe you can tell them how you think that their body is beautiful and that there is nothing wrong with it.
That would be a nice thing to say, but it basically never works. Remember that this is a medical phenomenon. If your date feels alien in their own body, they will raise Hell to change it and you really have no right to stop them. Trying to talk them out of it will just push them away and possibly gain you an enemy, not to mention wreck any future chance of dating this person.
On the flip side, if your tranny date has already undergone surgery or hormonal treatment to change their physical gender, you are severely late to the train, but you might still see a part of the show. If the transition was recent, the body may still exhibit changes while adjusting to its new configuration. This is especially true for hormone-medicine-based transitions.
Hormones can have all kinds of side effects, like pimple outbreaks, messing up the metabolism rate (thus affecting overall weight fluctuations), they might induce mood swings worth a medal, and a bunch of other stuff. In these cases, be patient and never look intolerant. If you give off a “get it over with” vibe, you can bet your last dime that the potential date will get you over with before you could blink.
